TISM Announce Tasmanian Devils Team List

The first ever Tasmanian Devils team list combines two great Tassie traditions: football and convicts.

Although chock-full with talent, the team is not without controversy.

We explain some of our decisions below:

B: Sam Fisher (crime), Brian Lake (crime), Bjelke-Petersen (not convicted, but bent as hell)
HB: Geelong F.C (every handball is a throw), Jim Krakouer (crime), David Dench (crime)
C: Brent Croswell, Ben Cousins, Nick Stevens – (all of ’em, crime)
HF: Des Tuddenham (crime), Wayne Carey (crime), TISM (crimes against music)
F: Andrew Lovett, Fred Cook, Nicky Winmar (more crime)
Foll: Daniel Kerr, Andrew Krakouer, John Nicholls (crime, crime, crime)
Inter: Gunns Ltd (crimes against nature), The Decision Not to Legislate for Gun Limits in Tasmania (will help criminals, morally bankrupt, sickeningly hypocritical, cowardly), Jesus (Wanted by the Romans; shady Middle Eastern extremist. To quote Tony Abbott: “How can we protect our unique Judeo-Christian culture if we let people like Jesus into the country? He said many, many things condemning rich people, but not one word condemning trans people. That tells you a lot.”)

Coach: Ben Roberts-Smith (Strong leadership. Can kick well, especially Afghans off a cliff.)
Publicity: Ralph Carr (Previous motto: “All publicity is good publicity.” New motto TBA.)
Head Masseur: Alan Jones (Expert with young male flesh. Very enthusiastic. Promises a happy ending.)

Team jumpers will be distributed at the Odeon Theatre, Hobart, 1 October 2026.

All further inquiries:

David Roy Williams Legal Department,
Defamation Division,
Somewhere in the Kazakhstan Mountains,
Good fucking luck.

Pre-sale tickets on sale: Monday 10 August @ 10am
General Tickets on sale: Tuesday 11 August @ 10am
Tickets from – https://davidroywilliams.com/tours/tsimnomistakes/